Inauguration fashion: the alternative facts

Hannah Su, Staff Writer

Of all things imaginable, fashion should be the last priority while watching an inauguration. However, since we had nothing better to do than to watch Trump make another campaign speech, fashion had the privilege of sitting right up front next to Kellyanne Conway, who, unfortunately, looked as if she was Gucci’s next big red, white, and blue mistake — sort of like the Trump presidency for many Americans.

It has been noted throughout the years that each president has had his own unique influence on American fashion during his term. In 1961, for example, John F. Kennedy did not wear a hat to his inauguration, resulting in a mostly hatless mid-60s America. This year, much to our delight, Donald Trump added a new member to the “Socks and Sandals Country Club of Epic Fashion Fails.” When America watched Trump step out of that limo on the 20th, we witnessed that President Trump has taken his tie where no tie has gone before: way, way below the belt. Mr. Trump, Rapunzel does not compensate for the low attendance of your inauguration, nor does it make your tiny hands any larger.

Much to our dismay, the sun was one of the many stars refusing to make an appearance at the inauguration. However, to our luck, we were pleasantly surprised when Trump’s candy floss wig did not crystallize in the rain that came in our missing star’s place. As Americans and patriots, we are certainly proud that he has upgraded to quality materials, the most notable of which was corn tassel. No wonder Melania’s dress at the preceding Thursday night’s dinner was made out of the same caliber textile.

Speaking of Melania, she channeled something much more unorthodox than Michelle Obama’s diplomacy through her fashion. Everything about her style screamed cosplay. On Thursday, during the wreath-laying ceremony, our First Lady, wearing a black military style jacket, was obviously dressing up as a Russian spy. That night, she turned heads in a golden column gown at the campaign donor dinner. There was no doubt that she was modeling the newly replaced curtains in the oval office.

On Inauguration Day Melania dressed in powder blue, and we all just knew that it was based on Amaura, the tundra Pokémon. To finish off, Melania decided to play it sweet and dress up as a walking vanilla crepe for the inaugural ball. This, I figured, suited her well, since her husband could cosplay as the orange marmalade on top.

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